.fashion.shoot.

Here are some of the pictures from the shoot. If you want to see more, you can always go on my facebook and check them out!

.my.life.

Ok, I proooomise that I will start posting pictures. I am the WORST at posting pictures on here. I understand it's quite simple, but it's difficult enough for me to update everyone with words, let alone pictures. So sit down, read and be thankful for what you get.

Many of you have seen my Facebook and YES, I did a fashion shoot. Those who saw the pictures almost immediately asked why. Well, the reasons were really threefold. One, why not? My friend Katie, who is a photographer, wanted more girls for fashion shoots, so there ya go. Two, I think every girl secretly, deep down inside of her, even if it's in her pinky toe, wants to be a model, actress, singer, etc. And three, I never want my life to be stanate. I never want to do or be the same person every single day. I want to continually challenge myself in new areas and do new things, and let's be honest here, I'm not the model type. Besides the fact that I'm not anorexic, I'm used to being the one operating the camera, not being in front of it. So that in itself was a challenge. Now here's the kicker.



I absolutely LOVED it.



I know! Scary, isn't it?



Katie made me feel so comfortable and it was so easy to work with her and I just absolutely fell in LOVE with it. We're already talking more shoots and I can't wait for them.


Ok, enough of that subject... NeeeEEEXT!


Some of you have recently found out that I resigned from the church awhile ago. Yes, that is true as well.

I feel like this blog is full of shock value.

Anyway, back in October of 2009 I resigned my position of Video Specialist at Southwest Community Church.

I KNOW!

Pick up your jaws. I know, I know... crazy. I loved my job. And that's very true; I loved my job, I loved the people I worked with.... But I did NOT love the hours, the lack of life that I had and the stress load.

I do miss it. I really, truly do. But I also love where I'm at now.

Ready for shock numero tres?

I went back to J & J Ranch Produce. I know, not audio OR video. Or anything I went to school for. I'm doing sales for the company and love it most of the time. It's more challenging on days where I'm tired and when I'm unsure of how to handle the different situations thrown my way, but Jeff and Julie are really helping me out trying to teach me all the ins and outs of the company.

I am planning on doing video filming, editing and production on the side, so don't you worry Dad, all my schooling will not go to waste!

The latest of all news is I moved out from the Streelman house and moved into a Townhouse. Mark and Rachel decided it was time to start a family (YAY BABY!!!), so I moved out so little Mia could have a place to sleep. My best friend Danielle, her sister Allie and I all moved into this beautiful 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom Townhouse. Brand new, never lived in, 2 car garage, 1800 square feet, blah blah blah..... The point is, we love it! I still have a few things over at Mark and Rachel's, like my shoes.... so OK, lots of things... but for the most part, I've moved my stuff over. I am struggling with unpacking because I am OVER moving. Moving every 6-8 months is currently my LEAST favorite past time and I'm very thankful that this will be my last time for at least 12 months.

Now, this last part is for my Grandma, my Mom, and every woman who wants me to get married and populate the earth.


I DID stop dating around.


Yes, your prayers have been answered. No, it wasn't a "phase". I didn't need to have hands layed on me or prayers over me, I just wanted to have fun and enjoy myself.... and other stuff that I don't feel like explaining and since this is my blog, I'm not going to.


I am... "seeing" (??) someone, but it's in the new phases and it's not Facebook worthy yet. So that's pretty much all you get. If you see us out, great, if you don't, you should probably get out more. I enjoy his company, I'm pretty sure he enjoys mine since he hasn't ran away yet, and we're having fun.

You're not getting a name because let's face it, four big shocks in one blog is just too dang much and I'm not sure you can handle that. But know that I'm happy and since you guys love me, that's all you want for me.

Done and done.

That's my new favorite saying, by the way. You'll hear it a lot if you're around me and you know what? It's pretty catchy.

So I think that's the latest update for now. I'll fill you in if I move again, or have any new favorite sayings.

Oh yes, and I'll try to post pictures soon.

Done and done!

weakness=power

It's so frustrating sometimes... Life, that is. Sometimes I just don't get it. Sometimes it doesn't get me. If you grew up in a Christian home like I did, you are taught all the sayings, you were raised with the answer to every question, so that when "these times" come, you know what the response is. While that's helpful, what are we supposed to do when that is not enough?

God sees the entire picture, I see what's in front of me. If I'm faithful in the small things, He'll be faithful in the big things. If I delight myself in Him, He'll give me the desires of my heart. And if I'm delighting in Him, my desires will be as His are.

OK, I'm gonna be completely real with you for about 2.5 seconds.

This is freaking hard.

Maybe even more like gosh darn freaking hard.

We're taught these things growing up for a reason; so I can remind myself TONIGHT that this is "only for a season".

And no, I didn't mean for that to rhyme. I'm just super cool like that.

What happens when you're tired of the answers? I KNOW that God is real, and God understands what you're going through. I think sometimes He wants us to be at this point where the answers that we were taught are NOT enough. I think He wants us to be real with HIM and say "I want MORE." I am one of those "outlandish believers" who truly believes that God wants me to look at Him and say: "This is not enough, I want more, I want more of YOU, I want more answers, I want more love, I want to be consumed by You even more... Challenge me, make me go deeper, do things through me that other won't believe because it's THAT absolutely insane. DO it."

I want more than the black and white answers because as much as everyone would like to argue, there are a lot of different shades of gray in a lot of areas. Don't get me wrong; right is right and wrong is wrong. But in areas such as where I am in life... there seems to be some gray areas during the waiting period. Let me clarify this: In my mind, I see "gray" as more of the unknown and not as the "right" or "wrong".

God knows the outcome. He knows the final product. He knows all. I know that. You know that. I'm pretty sure Hitler knew that.

But what happens in the waiting time? What happens when you're crazy like me and you get bored? What happens when you're GOING crazy because you KNOW the right, and you KNOW the wrong, but you want the right to happen right now so you don't do the wrong? Or even, you know the right and you know the wrong, but the right is just taking so DANG long that you question yourself?

Maybe this is more of a rambling post instead of a "this is how it is" post. But I think it's truly unrealistic for me to always be "how it is"... Reality is that I struggle just as much as the next chick. And reality is... this sucks.

Here's the kicker; I even ask Him why and I know the answer. To grow you. To mature you. "Perseverance must finish it's work so you may be mature and complete not lacking anything." (James 1:4)

Does that ever annoy you? I want to SCREAM.

Not at God. I know He's there. I know He's not going anywhere and I know He's doing something great. Even though I'm not sure what, I'm sure it's a humdinger of... something.

But I want to scream because I am being SO impatient and the answers are NOT enough. Why can't they just be enough? I KNOW they're the right answers. I KNOW that His words will not return void. I KNOW that He holds everything in His hands... Yet, I'm still just... impatient. And frustrated. I'm something that I don't even know what word it is. I feel like even though I know He knows where I am... sometimes I feel alone in this. But then I don't, because He's right here saying "I'm here."

Just say something. Do something. Give me some sign of... something. Something that tells me there is an end in sight, that this is really something quite small in the grand scheme of things, that reminds me that there is NOTHING that You can't handle and THAT should be sufficient enough for me. Let it be sufficient.

Again, everything comes back to me.

"My grace is sufficient for you."

My grace is sufficient... it's enough. Even when you think it's not, even when you question it... It's sufficient. So let go of everything you're holding onto, let go of all of the things you're juggling in the air and REST in knowing that MY GRACE IS sufficient.

The thing is, His grace won't be sufficient for me unless I let it be. So this entire rant has sent me back... to me... it's not Him. It's me. It was never Him. His grace never left. His grace never stopped being sufficient. "It's a heart issue" as we Christians say. :)

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9

.trust.

Trust.

You say trust.

You say believe.

You promise You have my best interests in mind. You promise that You see the bigger picture. Trust. Trust My promises. Trust My words. Trust My works. Trust in Me.

So much easier said than done, isn’t it?

I took our “Spiritual Gift” test at church to see what mine were. Number one was Faith.

I’m sorry, but are you as surprised as I am?

I feel like I shouldn’t have taken that test. As soon as I did, my faith has been challenged to new limits. And I have to take everything that’s within me to have FAITH… to TRUST that He is going to work EVERYTHING together for good. Because I love God. That’s what He says…… right?

Right.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, but in ALL YOUR WAYS acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Trust in the Lord with all MY heart and lean not on MY own understanding, but in all MY ways acknowledge Him and He will direct MY paths.

Trust in my God, my Savior, my Faithful Friend, my Everything and do NOT even listen to my own understanding, my own thoughts, my own wants and desires, but with everything I have, in everything I say and do, LISTEN to GOD. Follow HIS advice and He will give me the best life. He will take me down the right path. He will give me a rockin’ life.

That’s what He promises and His words are true – they will not return void.

So that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna trust in the Lord with all my heart, with everything that I have within me, with everything that is driving me – I’m gonna trust. Here’s my life, do what you will with it, Lord.

Because I trust You.

The elections, fear and peace.

The elections are tomorrow and the subject on a lot of people's minds and hearts is fear and peace. The majority, fear, while peace seems to be lacking.

Friends, I have news for you. Are you ready?




God is God whether McCain or Obama wins.

God is God whether we even HAVE a President.




Ouch. And you thought those were tough... read the next one out loud.




God is God whether YOU feel Him at work in your life.


God is God and HE will REMAIN on His throne today, and tomorrow and the next day, etc. He will REMAIN God when we don't feel Him, when we can't hear Him, when we don't understand what He's doing. He is constant. His love in constant. His love is unconditional. His presence is everywhere. He is at work in places we don't even KNOW about yet. He knows all.

Even who the next President is.

So why are we afraid?

God is NOT a God of fear. That is not from Him. And if it's not from God, it's from Satan. 2 Tim. 1:7 says: "For God has NOT given us a spirit of FEAR, but of power, and of love and a sound mind."

I have more news for you: God is in control.

I know, I'm throwing a lot of truth on you at once. But please understand that as I type these words I am saying them to myself as well.

Peace is the absence of fear. Not the absence of trials and conflicts. Trials and tribulations WILL happen. We live in a world that serves man, the serves self. This world is so full of evil that those trials WILL come. But we have no need to fear it. Our peace, our hope, our identity, our future is in CHRIST. If everything is in Christ, than there is no need to fear.

God is in control. God sits on the throne. God already knows.

Yes, it's true that we as a nation need to bow to our knees, turn away from our wicked ways and turn to Him. Yes, it's true that our nation as a whole is wicked and evil things that are SO FAR away from God are happening. Yes, it's true; it seems our nation is not getting closer to God, but farther away.

God is in control. God sits on the throne. God already knows.

We, as believers, have the power through Christ to live a fearless life. That is my prayer for you. To live through CHRIST, fearlessly, loving, faithfully, serving HIM.

Church... and your heart.

When you think of "church", what do you think of? 

I think it's easy for people to assume that church is a building, a room, a steeple... objects.  Materials used to encompass people.  It's easy for us to forget what it actually is. 

WE are the church.  You.  Me.  My friend Mary.  My Pastor.  His wife.  We were all created to love God.  And through Him, love others... love the church (Mary, Pastor, his wife... you remember?).

So often it's easy to get caught up in the makings that we, the church, put into a service.  The lights, music, planning, etc..  I'm not saying those things aren't important.  I'm not saying that I don't like any of those things - heck, it's my job to be apart of those things!  But I AM saying that the church would survive without them.

Now before you get yourself all worked up, trust me when I say some of those things are my favorite part about church.  Those things HELP us engage in worshipping God.  But they're not stopping us from doing it.  If we took away the lights, the soundboard, the instruments, COULD we still worship God for WHO He truly is?

When people come up and complain to me about the sound, a video, the lighting, or the words being off, I have to bite my tongue.  I believe we can worship God in any circumstance.  I believe we can worship Him in the darkness, I believe we can worship Him when they're leading the music time in another language, and yes, I'm even going as far to say that I believe we can worship Him without any instruments or singers!  When the people come up to me, I honestly want to ask them to check their hearts.  I want to say to them "These things are just tools... they are tools to LEAD you into worship.  Where's your heart at?  Maybe you should check your heart before you come back here and complain.". 

Yes, I value my job and I'm not going to say that.  Instead, I apologize and explain all the different services we offer and suggest that maybe there's another one more fitting for their style of worship.  Blah, blah, blah.

But then I question myself.  Am I hindering THEIR walk with Christ due to my reply? Am I giving them the "I want to keep my job" answer, but not the "stretch your walk with God" answer?  Where do you draw the line of an inappropriate reply with a "challenge your walk" reply?  How are you to be honest, but still encourage another believer in love? 

I know; there are a lot of questions in this post.  Even still, I want to leave you with two more to ask yourself.  Where is YOUR heart at?  During the services, are you so focused on everything else around you that you aren't worshipping God?

I'm almost scared to ask this last one, but I challenge you to be honest with yourself when you answer it.

If we took away all the lights, the music, the building, everything; would you still be able to worship God?