God sees the entire picture, I see what's in front of me. If I'm faithful in the small things, He'll be faithful in the big things. If I delight myself in Him, He'll give me the desires of my heart. And if I'm delighting in Him, my desires will be as His are.
OK, I'm gonna be completely real with you for about 2.5 seconds.
This is freaking hard.
Maybe even more like gosh darn freaking hard.
We're taught these things growing up for a reason; so I can remind myself TONIGHT that this is "only for a season".
And no, I didn't mean for that to rhyme. I'm just super cool like that.
What happens when you're tired of the answers? I KNOW that God is real, and God understands what you're going through. I think sometimes He wants us to be at this point where the answers that we were taught are NOT enough. I think He wants us to be real with HIM and say "I want MORE." I am one of those "outlandish believers" who truly believes that God wants me to look at Him and say: "This is not enough, I want more, I want more of YOU, I want more answers, I want more love, I want to be consumed by You even more... Challenge me, make me go deeper, do things through me that other won't believe because it's THAT absolutely insane. DO it."
I want more than the black and white answers because as much as everyone would like to argue, there are a lot of different shades of gray in a lot of areas. Don't get me wrong; right is right and wrong is wrong. But in areas such as where I am in life... there seems to be some gray areas during the waiting period. Let me clarify this: In my mind, I see "gray" as more of the unknown and not as the "right" or "wrong".
God knows the outcome. He knows the final product. He knows all. I know that. You know that. I'm pretty sure Hitler knew that.
But what happens in the waiting time? What happens when you're crazy like me and you get bored? What happens when you're GOING crazy because you KNOW the right, and you KNOW the wrong, but you want the right to happen right now so you don't do the wrong? Or even, you know the right and you know the wrong, but the right is just taking so DANG long that you question yourself?
Maybe this is more of a rambling post instead of a "this is how it is" post. But I think it's truly unrealistic for me to always be "how it is"... Reality is that I struggle just as much as the next chick. And reality is... this sucks.
Here's the kicker; I even ask Him why and I know the answer. To grow you. To mature you. "Perseverance must finish it's work so you may be mature and complete not lacking anything." (James 1:4)
Does that ever annoy you? I want to SCREAM.
Not at God. I know He's there. I know He's not going anywhere and I know He's doing something great. Even though I'm not sure what, I'm sure it's a humdinger of... something.
But I want to scream because I am being SO impatient and the answers are NOT enough. Why can't they just be enough? I KNOW they're the right answers. I KNOW that His words will not return void. I KNOW that He holds everything in His hands... Yet, I'm still just... impatient. And frustrated. I'm something that I don't even know what word it is. I feel like even though I know He knows where I am... sometimes I feel alone in this. But then I don't, because He's right here saying "I'm here."
Just say something. Do something. Give me some sign of... something. Something that tells me there is an end in sight, that this is really something quite small in the grand scheme of things, that reminds me that there is NOTHING that You can't handle and THAT should be sufficient enough for me. Let it be sufficient.
Again, everything comes back to me.
"My grace is sufficient for you."
My grace is sufficient... it's enough. Even when you think it's not, even when you question it... It's sufficient. So let go of everything you're holding onto, let go of all of the things you're juggling in the air and REST in knowing that MY GRACE IS sufficient.
The thing is, His grace won't be sufficient for me unless I let it be. So this entire rant has sent me back... to me... it's not Him. It's me. It was never Him. His grace never left. His grace never stopped being sufficient. "It's a heart issue" as we Christians say. :)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9
4 comments:
Great job Amber! I love that you are back to writing again, keep it up. A great friend has told me a few times, When we are weak, he is our strength.
Hey so, you don't know me. Few reasons why I dropped in here. We have mutual friends who are not just good people, but great people, so that merited a glance I suppose. Second, I too am a writer and I know that most of my "readers" don't take the time for the extra click to another web site, so I thought as one writer to another I would pay a visit. The third thing is more of an appeasal of concern than a reason to visit. Appeasal, not a word? hm... pity. I am not writing to hit on you. The first thing you are going to find out if you talk to our mutual friends is I have one topic I talk about quite frequently in my life, and that is a special someone who owns my heart's devotion. Through her I have learned more about love and life and Jesus Christ than any one person in my life. That all being said, your writing is very talented. You write with a style that puts your personality on the page in such a way that even a stranger such as myself may see your heart. Easy to read, flows well, and entertaining. I recommend you find the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, your comment about your photo shoot leads me to believe you would receive a great deal from it. God bless, and keep writing =)
Hey William!! If you're still on here.... haha! Life happened, and I am just now looking back on this.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement! I have not been writing or reading lately, and I have missed it.
Thank you again, and hopefully, I will be writing again soon. :)
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